Email Subject: Letter to the Alliance Party (Hammons Presidential Candidacy)
Letter to the Alliance Party
Hello Alliance Friends,
11 days ago I, along with my running mate and fellow nominee Eric Bodenstab, became the first Unity Party of America Presidential ticket set to appear on at least one official statewide ballot (Colorado, thanks to the Unity Party’s official recognition in the State). To give you fine folks a preview of the following, Colorado is one state where you do not have ballot access as a party, and a state where you will most likely not achieve ballot access for the foreseeable future, thanks to the combination of draconian petition requirements and COVID-19.
Today my running mate and I would like to present ourselves as candidates for the Alliance Party nomination in addition to our already-official Unity Party nomination. On the most practical grounds, Alliance and Unity have ballot access in a separate set of States, and therefore nominating the same set of candidates makes the most sense for both parties.
On more personal grounds, a Combination Nomination also makes sense. It is an open secret that Alliance is in talks with the millionaire founder of a party with membership in exactly one state, a defunct website, and no more than a hashtag on Wikipedia. As has been proven by more than one New York billionaire/“billionaire”, and as has been proven by your Don Quixotesque friend who has lost perhaps more races in more states than any other man in American history (and will most likely continue to do so), personal wealth is not everything, and indeed can grow to be a wall between a person and the rest of the People.
The Unity Party was there at your party’s beginning which grew out of the 2018 Unite America summit, well before any NDAs were signed, and I, being the Chairman of the United National Committee then as now, withdrew our party from merger talks when it became clear we would have to start from scratch in Colorado if we were to proceed under a new party name. I did what was best for the Unity Party, even if it had been conveyed in unprompted communications delivered to me that I would not be allowed to participate in new party leadership beyond the state level thanks to a certain 2017 TV appearance.
All I have to say about that interview is basically, “Get over it”. The morning after the 2016 election, I woke up to find myself in an America which had just elected, in my mind, the next Adolf Hitler. Insert stream of consciousness typing on www.billisrunning.com, and you have the perfect recipe for a live-to-tape TV hit job eight months later, during the wave of Denver media market publicity the Unity Party enjoyed after achieving full recognition in the State of Colorado.
Speaking of Hitler, I admit now that Donald Trump is not the American Hitler every thinking American has feared for 90 years. He’s more the American Mussolini suffering from a Hitleresque case of Parkinson’s in his last years: a rambling and incoherent buffoon, confusing himself with his nation as he brings both down with self-destructive tendencies as that same nation faces what could possibly turn out to be an existential crisis.
As I have been making a few rounds of fundraising calls these past few days, it has occurred to me that fundraising is much stronger with people who have actually met me, I look forward to meeting many more voters and donors as I apply my West Texas worth ethic (yes, I was born in Germany, but under the same citizenship circumstances as John McCain), and I look forward to working with all of you as we work together to restore some sanity to the direction of this country.
I will not be filling out any of the forms your party leadership has required (you may consider this my candidate application). I will point out that your party’s website was getting next-to-zero (if not zero) traffic before my running mate and I started to visit it frequently of late, your party has received next-to-zero the publicity it deserves, and I humbly suggest that your organization perhaps needs a reset of sorts to make the best use of ballot access in so many battlegrounds.
Thank you for reading. Any questions can be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org.